its no big deal... its just my future

So this week is gonna be a stressful one! On saturday of this week I will be auditioning to be accepted into the Music Dance Theatre program at BYU. The program here is very competetive and hundreds of people will audition for around 20 spots! ahh! I will perform two monologues, two songs, and attend a dance call to audition and i'm FREAKING NERVOUS! It wouldn't be so big of a deal if this were just a show where if I don't get in life goes on and there is always another show. THIS audition will determine whether or not I will be allowed to continue to study music dance theatre at the Y. If I don't get in this year I can audition again in a year but that is a lot of time wasted where I could be getting my degree. HOWEVER I am a better performer than I have ever been in my entire life so I am as ready as I possibly can be for this audition. I have my songs and monologues picked and I've been dancing for hours every day all semester so I feel confident that I will be able to perform to the best of my abilities, the only concern is .... is my best enough? I guess we'll soon find out! Pray for me and wish me luck!!!!!

QUESTIONING

Ok so in my book of mormon class we talk a lot about questioning, which conviently enough has been on my mind a lot lately. So i've decided to post a few questioins I've had in reguards to religion in general. Now before i post them I want everyone to know that this is NOT me declaring that I'm an athiest because i'm SOOOO not! I have learned that being brave enough to question is a great way to strengthen my own personal religious beleifs. Ok so here are some questions I have.

Is there such thing as absolute truth? Is religion only TRUE because members CHOOSE to beleive in it? Or is it an absolute truth? Does religion only exist becuase humans need it to maintain personal sanity? Because it makes us feel better that our lives have meaning? Is it not true that one can convince themselves that they beleive something when they engulf themselves completely in it. When they pray to a god, read the word of their god, and surround themselves with people that have the same beleifs as them. So what makes one church MORE true than the other? If a muslum truly beleives what they say, how is their religion more valid or true than a Catholic?

Once again these are just questions that I'm looking for answers to. So PLEASE!!! if anyone has any insights, additional questions, thoughts, or answers to these questions PLEASE comment! I want to know how people feel about this.

RESOLUTION

I am very bad with keeping my new years resolutions. They pretty much never happen for me. (except thats a limiting belief so pretend I didn't say that) But this year I think it is more important that I keep my resolution than ever. This year I have decided to truly LIVE IN THE MOMENT. I know we hear about that a lot these days (its actually the title of my mom's blog :) But it really means a lot to me. I have found that the more I fear my future, and the more i regret my past, the more anxious and depressed I become. SO this year I will take my life one day at a time. This doesn't mean that I won't be prepared for my future and I will still work hard for my career.. BUT I want to be the kind of person that see's something exciting and beautiful in every single day. I think true happiness comes from peace of mind and the best way to achieve that peace is to live every day to the fullest.

ok i'm a little obsessed...

Ok i'm totally obsessed with adam lamberts new album so i have to write about it! as a matter of fact i'm listening to it while i make this blog entry :) its got a good variety of songs that you can actually dance to which is my favorite part! there are also some really amazing slower more deep songs that i was very impressed with as well. so anyone who is looking for some new music look no further than ADAM!

Limitations

Like many people, I struggle with this topic a lot. I am guilty of limiting myself and others ALL THE FREAKIN TIME. So I was talking to a very wise (unnamed) person about this topic and he had some very interesting insights on the matter.

His idea is that there is a conscept that we as humans create called Limiting Beliefs. These are limitations we put on ourselves to keep us from acheiving our potential as human beings. Why do we do this? Because we are afraid. We are afraid to belive that we are good enough to achive all that we desire. We fear failure. Well guess what! Fear is a limiting belief. Anything that holds us back from reaching our potential is a limiting belief. Lets say a woman says, " because of the career path i have chosen, i will never be wealthy. thats just the way it is." THAT is a limiting belief. THINK about it. How often have you said something like that to yourself or to someone else?? "I can't sing." "I'm just not pretty." "i am never gonna get married." As trivial as they may seem, they truly keep us from exploring options in our lives. Options that may bring us more happines that we could ever imagine. The more limitations we put on ourselves the more we restrict ourselves from opportunities to GROW. And isn't that what the purpose of life is? To learn and to grow.

Ok now I'm definately no expert on this matter, and I have no right to give advice on how to not limit yourself, but this is something that I'm working on and I thought hey maybe the ten or twelve people that read this will be able relate.

LESSONS LEARNED

So after one whole semester of college life here are a few things I have learned:

1. Pizza bagels are not real food, if you eat more than twelve in one sitting you will get a very bad stomach ache. I promise.

2. Cooking is not evil. After getting frequent pains and complications from frozen foods, I have decided to give it a try.
3. RELAX. Ok now I'm actually the worst ever at this one. I have to take lots of pills and breath A LOT to get this one down but it is important! Things in life generally are not life and  death, the more I remember this the easier it is to calm down.
4. Learn to let go. I have never done well with change (which is terrible seeing as my future career will force me to change on a weekly basis) and moving out was a big change for me. Although I had a hard time at first I have been getting better at being comortable with change.
5. BLOGGING is my friend. It seems like every time I enter a blog entry, or read someone elses, I feel inspired to be a better person. I don't really know why but thats just the way it is for me haha.
6. I'm a little different than I thought I was. My cousin Nikki told me that you find yourself in college, and boy was she right. Although I am still learning a lot about myself on a daily basis I have already learned a lot about my strengths, and my weaknesses.
7. GROWING UP isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Other kids couldn't wait to grow up and get out. I was NOT one of those kids. But after living on my own (sort of) for a while I have realized that I am capable and have nothing to be afraid of.
8. I MATTER. I used to be a people pleaser, but that is definately not who I am today haha. I have found that doing things my own way is really awesome!
9. BYU is NOT the celestial kingdom! I was a bit nervous going to BYU because I thought I would be sinner among angels, but I have realized that is definately not the case. Everyone has problems and trials in their lives and "HAPPY VALLEY PEOPLE" are no exception!!
10. Happiness comes from within. Now I'm not saying I'm an expert on this subject either cause I'm still in the process of figuring it out, but I can say that no one can make you happy but yourself. No matter how many doctors you see, therapists you talk to, relatives you plead with, or pills you take, at the end of the day true happiness is a decision. Its not an easy one, and for some people its a little difficult at times, but only I know how to make ME happy and thats what makes life worth living.

GOT IT!!

I'm very excited because I was just cast in a brand new musical at BYU called CASEY AT THE BAT!! I'm really honnored to have been cast, so many people auditioned and only fifteen men cast so I'm very flattered. I have a lot of work to do yet and I am working harder than ever I'm so greatful for encouraging events like this in my life to keep me going :)