Every single person on this planet has at least one secret that could break your heart. If we could just remember that, there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world
Friday, August 6, 2010
A little explaining
Remember that one time i was like "hey i'm going to byu this fall" and then like two days later i was like "hey...just kidding".... ya that was cool. I blame it on the bipolar thing (even though that really has nothing to do with it heh). Well here is a little explanation.
The biggest reason I decided to transfer to the University of Utah is pretty simple. I MATTER. I was staying at BYU because it has a world class Music Dance Theatre training program and decided to try my best to ignore the things that I couldn't tolerate. There were a lot of things at BYU that just simiply weren't right for ME. (i'm not byu bashing i explain in my final paragraph be patient) I have never been overly religious for starters. I had a difficult time having the church thrown in my face a lot. It works for some people and thats awesome, but it pushed me away from it. I am also not really comfortable being myself there. Like many others I had to hide who I really am in order to fit in and meet the criteria of the schools standards. And potentially lying to faculty and administration is someting I will never be comfortable doing.
During my year at BYU I learned a lot as a performer. I cherish the education I had there and I really don't regret it. But being there for a year, and being diagnosed bipolar/lots of other personal life drama, taught me that I have to care for my personal life ALONG WITH my career in order to maintain some sanity. And my personal life at BYU wasn't what I needed. I need openess, communication, acceptanence, self exploration, and freedom. I didn't find those things in Utah Valley.
One of the best ways to battle depression and low confidence is to learn to truly love yourself. And as I was pondering how to do that I kept asking myself this question: "How can I learn to love and accept myself if I have to hide it?" For me to grow as a performer I have to be comfortable with who I REALLY am. And that didn't happen for me at the Y. In fact the opposite happened. I began hating myself and trying to change to fit someone elses mold. Well that is NOT happening anymore.
The University of Utah MTP program may not have the same reputation as BYU MDT yet but what it does have is an opportunity for me to study from the world renound Ballet Department , the incredible Actors Training Program, and the first class Vocal Department.I get to take summer intensive classes in NY with some of the top schools in the country, and work consistantly with Broadway Casting Agents and other professionals in the classroom throughout my four years and then showcase in New York for those agents I'll have worked with along with those they invite. (don't ask how they got all this stuff just know dave schmidt is magic somehow makes things like this happen) And along with that I get to be myself and HOPEFULLY learn to love ME a little more.... and take further steps toward healing from my super annoying mental illness :)
I don't want this post to be a BYU bashing one. I LOVED a lot of things about BYU and I completely respect it, the faculty and students. I made some of the best friends that I have EVER had while I was there and I really did have a good time. BYU is a great school, it just wasn't the right fit for me.