Every single person on this planet has at least one secret that could break your heart. If we could just remember that, there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

a new world..

The musical I'm in at the University of Utah is called SONGS FOR A NEW WORLD (runs april 20-24th come see it!). And I've been thinking a lot about what the show is about and how closely it relates to my life right now. The show is stories of lots of different people in pivital moments in their lives. Moments that change who they are, how the see the world, or where everything changes. The first line I sing in the opening number says it best "its about one moment, the moment before it all becomes clear... and just when when you're on the verge of succes the sky starts to change and the wind starts to blow." Thats kind of where I'm at right now. I am in that moment before things become clear, that is. I was accepted into Boco again... but this time with a $10,000 a year scholarship. Sounds like a lot of money right?? but its only about a fifth of the total cost. So why even bother you ask?? well... its my dream school... and its sort of like going to Harvard instead of state school. But my parents and I are still figuring out money/loan options so... who knows.

So now I'm getting practice in dealing with high stress and a mental disorder at the same time. The problem right now is I can't ever sleep. I have been getting on average about 4 hours a night, which sucks cause I have to sing and dance and run around all day. Today I had to take the day off cause I got sick due to a lack of sleep and overuse of my voice and body and we open in a few weeks (also adding to the stress). So what do I do? There isn't a breathing exercise out there that I haven't tried, i rub lavendar on my feet and it doesn't help, i tried meditating, sleeping pills, cough syrup, you name it and nothing seems to help.

Here's what I've realized... when I get into a high stress situation it DEFINATELY triggers a manic or mixed mood. In that state everything starts to become a life or death decision. I can't sleep at night bcause it feels like my life could possibly be over with one little phone call from mommy saying they're done thinking about it and they won't help me get to boston. At the same time the idea of leaving accross the country scares the shit out of me. How will I manage all of my issues clear out there in Boston where I literally have ONE friend and a few people i've met once or twice?

Bottom line is all this is out of my control... and I have to figure out a way to let go and LIVE LIFE. And besies I'm possibly on the brink of a brand new life.... what could be more exciting than that? I mean thats the kind of thing they write muscals about :)

Songs for a New World plays april 20-24th in studio 115 in the Performing Arts Building on the University of Utah campus. Tickets are five dollars and can be purchased thorugh Kingsburry Hall. :) :)

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