Every single person on this planet has at least one secret that could break your heart. If we could just remember that, there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

CONTROL

I've been thinking a lot about what it really means to be in control of my life. Being Bipolar I have very little control over what emotions I feel, so it has been something I've been trying to understand better. What does it mean to to have total control over my life? Does that mean I have my month planned out? My Year? Or does that mean I decide when I'm happy and when I'm sad? And while I was visiting with my therapist today I realized that we don't really have control over very many things. The only thing we have control over is our actions. So what does that mean? That means it is MY responsibility to take control over the one thing I am able to tak control of and use it to make my world a better place. So this is what i pledge to do. (feel free to join me if you wish)

I pledge to keep my out of control emotions to myself and never bring others down with the way I'm feeling.
I Pledge to keep the rude comments and thoughts that pop into my head INSIDE my head and not act on them by saying hurtful things about others. I also pledge to keep the naughty words I think of (all too often) inside my head and not offend others with the foul things that pop into my scary little brain :)
I Pledge to help others reguardless of how I feel. No matter how depressed I am, or how manic I get, I will always be there to serve people who need help more than me.

That is what I learned from my weird life this week :) thanks for listening!

3 comments:

Holly said...

GREAT POST!! You have made a HUGE step in the right direction!!

This is what I've learned in the last 8 months: While I try to never impose my moods on others in a negative way, sometimes that means I just have to get AWAY from them. I CAN control what I project outwardly and I've learned more things that trigger things in a negative direction. I'm not as good at hiding all my emotions all the time the way I used to... It is those times that I do the best I can while I HAVE to... and escape to alone or safe space when I'm able. Sometimes you have to give yourself a little space and forgiveness for not ALWAYS being what everyone else wants you to be. You do what you CAN, what you HAVE to, and then let be what YOU NEED to. It's not worth triggering a major episode of something worse than what you're trying to hide.

This week I have learned (AGAIN...) that my family is much more amused by my manic episodes than the alternative... If ONLY I could find a way to DIRECT & FOCUS mania in a positive DIRECTION where I could ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS!!! GAH!!! I am PRAYING that I can have a positive mania and NO CRASH through Saturday afternoon while hubby and I are feeding staff (we're co-chairs of the food committee) on the Pre-Trek... HOW do I get myself into these things??? (Oh yeah... I was HIDING my true emotions and didn't RUN AWAY and CRY when they asked...) *sigh* (((HUGS)))

Ana said...

i'll take the pledge as well my friend :) nice post

SadieJean said...

I really liked this post Jaron. It gives me alot of hope. You're a great person and this idea of control I think will make you an even better person then you already are.