So I have been here in good old Salt Lake City for a few weeks now and all I can say is I LOVE THIS PLACE! My classes are amazing, the friends I have made in the theatre department here are awesome, and as for my home life.... well you just have to see my apartment to understand how amazing it is, but trust me it rocks. Most of all I love who I am here. I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin before. I feel like I got to start over and be exactly who I had always wanted to be. My panic attacks have become less frequent as well as my depressive states, thats not to say they have gone away, but still less frequent is an improvement. Last time I went to see the doctor I asked if I could try going off medication for a while becaue I really hate the way I feel on them. He told me that wouldn't be smart yet, but if I felt an improvment in my situation after moving to Salt Lake City it could be a possibility. So I'm hoping that I will feel ready to try and step away from medicine this December but nothing is set in stone.
Now that I've got all the good news out of the way lets talk about how hard making this life happen was. FIRST of all giving up my place with the BYU Young Ambassadors was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know it sounds stupid cause to most people its just a performing group, but to me it was being apart of something bigger than me, being good enough, and getting the opportunity to travel accross the country. Giving that up hurt. And I have to admit that thought still keeps me up at night. SECOND leaving my provo friends sucks. Now I know I haven't really left them... they live a half hour away.. but still I used to see them every single day and I see them MUCH less than that now. LASTLY leaving the MDT program was scary as hell. It was a HUGE risk. The program has so much talent and credibility so writing my letters to my BYU professors killed me. BUT I had to choose my personal sanitiy over my career for once. And so far I don't regret that choice.... i just get haunted by anxiety attacks whenever I hear about byu stuff.. no big deal ;)
I am SOOO excited for the next performance I'm taking part in! A touring company called Vox Lumiere is comming to Kingsburry Hall this october and doing a multi-media production of the Phantom of the Opera silent film while singing the opera (not the andrew lloyd webber version the REAL one) with a new rock and roll style. And the MTP program here was asked to be the back up choir for that! Yes ladies and gentleman I will be singing in Kingsburry Hall on October 8th!
so to conclude this random update : I am so happy here in Salt Lake and I know I made the right decision comming here, but that doesn't keep me from having panic attacks when I think about what I left in provo..... and I'm singing in Kingsburry Hall.... and we got a broadway actor give a master class the other day in our voice class.... and stephen sondheim is comming... and new york agents are comming to master class our showcase... and i'm gonna be in Songs for a New world this spring..... and... ya thats all for now but there will be more cool stuff to come i assure you :)