Every single person on this planet has at least one secret that could break your heart. If we could just remember that, there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Ya the title is from Next To Normal. Not original. But fitting.

My therapist once asked me "what does it feel like when you experience a fall from a manic state to a depressive one?" I couldn't answer the question at first. Truly its a very difficult feeling to explain but all I could compair it to was this: "its like when you go up to read a cast list after an audition and your body is full of energy and then whether the outcome of this list is good or bad your body and brain sort of just.... release. And then after that its a little different from the cast list thing. I feel no hope as my mind sort of falls out of an extreme high and crashes into a very dark place." I know it sounds crazy but thats the only way I can make it make sense out loud.

Ever since about three o'clock this afternoon I have been falling. And one thing I've been working on is really examining what my body goes through when I experience emotion and what helps. I haven't found a cure but I have found what helps ease the fall a little. Music. Its really the only thing in this whole world that can have complete control over my crazy emotions. All I have to do is turn on "september" by earth wind and fire and suddenly the emotional fall becomes more gradual. Less painful. And more managable.

Life can be hard sometimes. Its full of difficult decisions, painful memories, and heartache. But I've learned that sometimes the only thing in the whole world that can catch me when I'm falling is EARTH WIND AND FIRE. A song, a stupid little melody and some meaningless lyrics, can change my perspective in an instant. And suddenly life is full of  opportunities, learning experiences, and love



Ana said...

everything you said made total sense. and i don't think its silly music. no matter the genre or style i think music has power. it has the power to speak to our soul when we can't even figure out what our soul needs to hear or how to say it. i love you and you know i'm hear if you ever need to talk :) you'll figure it out. i know you will. <3 <3

Kayleigh said...

oh my gosh.
i love september. that song brings me great joy.

jaron. you are wonderful. your blog is full of so much honesty, and i love that. i was actually just thinking about your previous post (i didn't want to comment because i wanted to give it some thought) and sometimes you just have to take the plunge, make a decision, and if it's not where the lord wants you, then he'll definitely make sure you don't go down the wrong path for too long.

or, you make your decision, and the lord will make sure you know if it's right or not.

i don't know if that's good advice or not, but it's what i was thinkin' yesterday as i was driving to provo. :)

i think you're great. keep doin' what you're doin', and you've got support here, my friend. :)

love, kayleigh

Linda said...

I will always be here to catch you whenever you fall.