So here is the story I didn't tell previously when I was asking for help on some decision making. I was thinking about switching to the University of Utah for their new Music Theatre Program after a broadway casting director (chris nichols) advised me to change schools. And while I have always kept the idea of transferring from BYU to a different school open, I was just very unsure about going to the U, and also leaving this year when I was just accepted into the Young Ambassadors. So after a lot of meditation, prayer, lack of sleep, stress, walking around both campuses, and crying. I decided it is in my best interest right now to stay at BYU at least for another year. I am SO looking forward to spending a year with the Young Ambassadors but I am still very much open to the option of leaving to a bigger school out of state just for the experience.
So here is what I learned from this whole decision making process:
- Sometimes your gut won't tell you what to do. I can't tell you how many people told me "just follow your gut", well guess what, my gut is affected by the 1200 mg of lithium and 60 mg of cymbalta I take every day so following my gut just isn't an option.
- Choices aren't always black and white. Truly there were just as many reasons for going to the U as there were going to the Y. I couldn't logic my way through it. There was no clear choice.
- Sometimes it truly DOESNT MATTER what you choose. I feel that I have the ability to find true happiness on whatever path I choose, so you can't think that by choosing "the wrong path" you are doomed to sorrow. Happiness is a gift that can ALWAYS be with you no matter where you are as long as you look for it.
-Even after a decision is made... you don't always feel relief. I was hoping that once i decided what I was doing with my year I would feel the weight drop and enjoy my summer again. But it didn't work that way. And i think it rarely does. There is always going to be fear and second guessing. My challenge now is to not let myself dwell on that. I have to live with the decision I made and look for the happiness my decision.
So the happiness I have come up with for my decision is this: I get to tour the country doing what I love with 19 amazing performers/friends. I get to meet amazing people and change their lives while they change mine. I get to be a part of something bigger than me and serve. I get to experience what it will be like to do a national tour. AND best of all I get to spend another year with my Taryn and Michael :) PLUS i get to keep all the friends in salt lake I have made PLUS I get to keep taking voice from the AMAZING David Schmidt cause i'm not letting that family out of my life just cause i'm moving to provo! So life is good. Confusing, irritating, and a bit of an emotion rollercoaster sometimes... but still very good.