So I have been thinking lately about that little motto I love by of "NO SECRETS EVER" and I realized that I don't really do it. I am open with the facts but not with my feelings. There are usually only two or three people that truly know how I feel because I don't like the idea of bringing other people down with me. So my little conflict for the week is : When does my self expression go from a healthy outlet to an obnoxious wight bringing people down?
I have always done my best to make sure that other people don't suffer because of my stupid illness. Its completely unnessisary. But lately doing that has made my life more painful. And I know people always say, "i'm so ready to listen" or "you could never irritate me with your feelings" but the truth is it would. People say that they don't think they would be bothered if I just acted exactly how I felt because they have never had to deal with it before. And I truly beleive they wouldn't be able to handle it. Its just too much. And I will never be comfortable putting that kind of pressure on anyone.
So what do I do? I get stuck in this people pleasing place where I can't express how I really feel. I can't tell people to get away from me when they irritate me. I can't tell people that I REALLY would rather not have a hug right now. It scares me. Should it? where does being honest become being impolite? I have no answer. If you do let me know. And when I figure it out I will most definately post about it!