greatful

I started this thanksgiving break very depressed. I usually get that way when big events happen, I don't know why but holidays and birthdays always seem to be the hardest for me. So getting into the thanksgiving feel was hard for me. I was bitter and depressed so finding something to be GREATFUL for was irritating and impossible. I couldn't stop thinking about all the bad shit that happened over the past few months. How i feel like I'm getting worse. How I feel lonely. How I still can't sleep ever since my september 19th incident. But strangely enough going through my facebook profile was a HUGE reality check for me. I started looking through all my pictures. Seeing my friends and the amazing experiences I've had over the past three months made me realize that I'm greatful. I'm greatful that I'm alive.

I started thinking about the fact that I could very easily not be here today. I mean three months ago I was almost deat. Its a miracle that I'm here as a matter of fact. And knowing how simply life can be taken away made me realize how glad I am that I have it. Even when it sucks. Even when it hurts. Those moments betwen where I love life get me throuh. The times when I laugh till I cry with Karli and Alex. Or have a girls night in with Michael or Jessa. Those days where I dance until I am sore for days, and sing until I can barely speak. The days when I perform and live my life to the fullest. Its days like those that make crying at night, walking through graveyards, and staying up all night in cold sweat seem ok. Because I still have so much to live for. There is so much life out there and I am so GREATFUL that i'm here to live it.