Every single person on this planet has at least one secret that could break your heart. If we could just remember that, there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My night with the baby blizzard

I love storms. I get really nervous excited when I hear things like THERE IS A BLIZZARD COMING! I love it. So naturally I was real excited today when they canceled classes for this "huge" storm. So I got real excited and prepared myself by spending a lot of money on junk food and christmas movies so that I could spend my night with friends staying warm while the scary storm came. Well it turns out that the storm wasn't that scary. So like I ususally do when I get really anxious with nothing to do... I went for a walk! Thats right I took a stroll right through the "biggest blizzard in 10 years." I decided to walk to my favorite thinking spot. The cemetary three blocks north of my house.

When I reached the cemetary I started to notice how quiet the streets were. There was no one around. The snow was falling lightly. No cars. Nothing. I made the first footprints in the freshly fallen snow along the pathways through the giant graveyard. The thing I love about walking through there is the amazing peace that comes from being in that place. I don't think they're creepy or scary. They're beautiful. In real life my head is constantly spinning with thoughts of anxiety or depressioin. But in that place there is a quiet peace that not even my head can interrupt. Being there puts things into perspective. This life is short. We all end up in the same place. A quiet peaceful field. And for some reason that thought makes me want to live the happy moments in life to the fullest, and remember that the bad ones are only a moment. I realized lots of things as I stood there. I miss out on the joys of life. I am focusing all of my energy into the fact that I feel lonely and like I will never be in a real relationship. I focus on all the things I have to get done. The papers to write, how behind I am, how much work I have to do in order to have a successful career.... I forget how to breath sometimes. I don't take in the beautiful things in life. And tonight I stood in what I think is one of the most beautiful places on earth and really took it in. And  I can't describe how incredible it was. So I stood in the middle of what is probably miles of graves, completely alone, in the snow and started singing. I don't really know who I was singing to. Maybe someone was listening. Or maybe it was just for me. But I sang my very favorite songs. "Somewhere over the rainbow", and "there's a place for us" from west side story. For me that place over the rainbow with peace, quiet, and open air is the state of mind I was in tonight. That place in my head where I am calm. Where I am ok. Where I'm not confused, lonely, or afraid. Thats what I felt in that place and thats what I strive for always.

Life is like the sad little blizzard that scampered past us tonight. All the big scary things that come our way seem so terrifying. We panic. We prepare. We anticipate. And usually when the big scary things hit.... we make it through... and its not as bad is we thought. And even when it is bad we aren't alone. We have friends to snuggle up with and drink hot chocolate while the scary storm passes by. Thats the peace, quiet and open air over the rainbow that I'm talking about. So there is a place for us. Its with the people we love, living life to the fullest. And somehow, someway we'll make it through all the blizzards life throws at us.


Nathaniel said...

The magic of cemeteries is pretty limitless. The one near my house has a ridiculous view of the city. It's a great place to go to be alone.

And I found a cat there one time.

Brittany said...

Beautiful post Jaron! thanks for sharing something so personal, it is a good reminder to all of us.

Kayleigh said...

metaphorically, you're very very right about that blizzard. that's got my mind going a million miles an hour, thinking about how it was hyped up and seemed scary, but (in hindsight) it wasn't.

great post! :) love you!

Suzie said...

Jaron have you ever heard of www.findagrave.com? I volunteer there, love it, LOVE IT!
Cemeteries bring me peace and contentment.
It is something you might enjoy.
I'm still being careful in "the blizzard" but it really wasn't all it was hyped up to be.

LishKishBish said...

I am kind of really in love with this. You are wonderful. Next time you have a hard night, please feel free to sing at my window :)

Rachel Marie said...